Next political jokes »
An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says, "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died." So he takes the first parachute and jumps.
The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says, "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President". She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.
The third passenger, George W. Bush, says, "I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die." So he takes a parachute and jumps.
The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy, "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute".
The boy replies "No problem your Pope-ness, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag."
A first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats, too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air.
There was one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a liberal Democrat."
"Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"Why I'm a proud conservative Republican," boasts the little girl. The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Lucy why she is a conservative Republican.
"Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too."
The teacher, now angry, loudly says, "That's no reason! What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron? What would you be then?" The teacher paused and smiled.
"Then," Lucy said, "I'd be a liberal Democrat."
A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party?" "About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly. "NO!" exploded the teacher.. "I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?" "Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says.. "I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!"
Why is Congress like a cold?
Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).
Why are Vampires Democrats?
They want Gore in 2000.
Next political jokes »